Dating-How to find the oasis in a desert

img_2714Relationships are harder the older I get. Why is that? Don’t get me wrong, they are definitely better the older you are but also harder. As you get older, there is so much pressure and doubt, so much more to take into consideration. You have to make sure that you and your partner want the same things in life, i.e. marriage, kids, career focus etc. If you do want marriage and kids, when? As women our biological clock starts ticking very loudly.

For guy’s, time isn’t such an issue. They are not fussed if they wait till their mid thirties. They don’t have a biological clock counting down and they are not that fussed about being older dads. Of course if your partner doesn’t know if they want the same things as you, doubt appears. Do you stay with them because you love them but then risk never having the family you want? Or do you leave and risk never finding someone that will love you and make you as happy as they do.

These are the dilemmas we face. Of course compared to some of the crosses people have to bear, this is clearly on a first world problem scale. But for those reaching their late twenties, early thirties, its front and centre in our lives.

Having reached almost 30 with one marriage behind me, these things regularly crossed my mind. Worries of will I find someone before my clock expires? How do I even meet a potential partner? I personally was not confident in meeting strangers in clubs so I had to find another way.

There was always the hope of my friends having single mates, but I was wrong. The singles pool had dried up and it was like a desert out there. All of my friend’s mates were already settled down, maybe getting married or having kids. Those that weren’t were generally damaged goods. They’d had some heartbreak occur, and needed time to sort through their baggage. If I were there by their side supporting them, once they came out the other side I would have been so far in the friend zone that all I could have done was smile and wave as they headed off with the gorgeous trail of leggy blondes, brunettes and red heads. So after much thought, and a few wines, I entered the world of online dating.

A dark and scary place, where many a tale had been told of the horrors that awaited. I was told I would only find the guys looking for one night stands and that I was wasting my time. Friends were convinced I would end up in the news, the headline reading, girl found murdered in bar car park.With all this advice ringing in my ears, I signed up and dived in. Pretty quickly it became clear who was not looking for the same thing as me. For example, those who asked for my number after the first 5 minutes, clearly not for me!

What was surprising being the number of guys on there who took things very personally. If I replied to their message with a polite refusal I got angry, upset responses. This was something I was not expecting.

Trying not to lose hope, I muddled through, all the while wondering, why I was putting myself through this? Was it worth it? Maybe I should just stay home on the couch, snuggled with a blanket, hot chocolate and Bridget Jones’s Diary! Instead off I would go, to a nice coffee place or pub to meet a nice guy, holding onto hope that maybe this one would be the amazing man waiting to meet me.

When I had just about given up with the online scene, I struck gold. I was lucky enough to meet the man of my dreams, my husband. I stayed strong long enough to wade through the mess of no hopers to find my pot of gold. But it was tough.

From the first date I knew he was different to the others and we became inseparable from that moment on.  I hated online dating but would honestly say to anyone who asked me, that it is definitely worth a go. Although the first few attempts can scare you off, its worth sticking to. You could just find what you are looking for, and if you don’t, you will definitely walk away with some interesting stories to tell!

Bec C Tscheresch

Photo by AB Photography

 

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